cake for breakfast vol. 19

Hello, dear readers. Most Substack catch-up type posts I have read in the past week have talked about how quickly September has flown by, and I can only concur. It was a difficult month for us; having looked forward to the return to the rhythms of the school year, the transitions were harder than anticipated and there were some health issues to deal with. Now it is October, and after a season of feeling like we were just barely staying afloat, I finally feel like some order has been restored and there is room to breathe.

petits plaisirs

A cliché of self-care is taking a bubble bath, and lately I have been really enjoying taking a couple of baths per week whilst listening to a podcast. I have established over the years that although the idea of reading a book in the bath seems lovely and cosy, the reality is impractical and not at all relaxing. A podcast/audiobook, on the other hand is ideal, as I can close my eyes and really relax, whilst still having something to distract me from my anxious thoughts, ha. I’m even thinking about investing in Epsom bath salts, which is the kind of thing that typically makes me roll my eyes but I think that, at least for the colder months, I’m committing to the bath life.

thoughts

When I was on Instagram, I would periodically see people talk about how they didn’t do extracurriculars for their kids, or only very few, because they didn’t want to overschedule them and it’s important to have plenty of time to just be at home, be with family, allow them to be bored, etc. This notion totally resonated with me, as I am very turned off by the idea of pushing kids to have loads of skills and hobbies in the hopes that it will look good on a university application some day, or whatever. I’m also a strong believer that boredom is good for kids and adults as it forces us to address feelings of discomfort and learn how to manage them.

BUT. I have come to realise that for our family, in this season, having a fairly busy schedule works well. As much as I like the idea of everyone being at home and enjoying each other’s company or looking for some creative project on a lazy Saturday afternoon, the reality is that when everyone is in the house and no one has anything particular to do, things go south pretty quickly. I’m pretty sure the majority of our most miserable moments as a family have been ushered in by a day without plans.

So, this school year our weeks are pretty heavily scheduled, and so far that has been working well for us. Maybe we’ll reconsider when the kids are older and they no longer gravitate as naturally towards us, and home, by choice; there may come a time when keeping them rooted in family and home will have to be more intentional. For now, though, I don’t feel that the strength of our family unit is threatened by a busy schedule, nor that the kids are missing out on opportunities to be creative - the contrary, in fact.

All this to say - it can be good to let go of what we thought family life would look like, and embrace what actually works.

la vie en france

I can’t remember how I came across this video about a large, French Catholic family (12 kids in the video although apparently they now have 14) but I keep thinking about it. First of all, the names of the kids are absolutely on point for standard French Catholic kid names, but that’s not why it stuck in my mind. Although their home is intimidatingly clean and everything seems shockingly well organised for such a large household, in other ways it came across as a lot more sane than a lot of Anglo big Catholic family content does.

First of all, when the mother talks about her decision to be a femme de foyer (housewife), she mentions it as being a choice just like the choice to be a teacher, an engineer, a doctor, etc. She doesn’t insist that it’s the thing that a woman or a mother should do, or that it’s inherently better; it’s just what she wanted, and what made sense for her family. And she seems like she actually means that.

Similarly, towards the end, she says something along the lines of “nobody made me have all these kids, and if I thought we couldn’t handle it or it was irresponsible, we wouldn’t have done it.” Essentially, she says that they prudentially discerned their call to a large family. There’s no sense that she is proselytising this choice, or bashing people who decide that a smaller family is wiser for them, or saying that her family is better or holier because it’s bigger. She simply found herself and her husband called to this fairly radical way of life. One doesn’t get the sense that having a large is about making some “countercultural” statement.

Of course, this is a 15 min video (although I *may* have gone down a Google rabbit hole looking up this woman), so they are putting their best foot forward, but I found it a refreshing alternative to the narratives I often see around big Catholic families in the English speaking West.

what’s cooking

Have you ever made Marcella Hazan’s tomato sauce for pasta/spaghetti? If not, do it this week. It is so, so easy and hands off, and absolutely the most delicious tomato sauce in the world. It has 5* from 13K reviews on NYT Cooking. Your kids will love it, your spouse will love it, and so will you.

things i thought were good

• I Quit Teaching Because of ChatGPT by Victoria Livingstone - I generally don’t like to feed into all the anti-AI chatter for a host of reasons, but this piece resonated with me, especially as someone who earns money by editing academic texts and often gets the question “isn’t your work going to become obsolete because of AI?” This gives a good response as to why it might, but it shouldn’t.

• The kids and I watched Secret Lives of Orangutans over the course of a few evenings, and we all loved it. It was fascinating, and also very cute. My 4yo would like adopt a baby orangutan. My favourite snippets were that organgutan mums have differing parenting styles, and that grandparent orangutans often go softer on their grandchildren than they did on their own kids.

• Productive Habits: Exploring productivity and the religious life by Hannah Rich - this is from Theos Think Tank, who put out lots of interesting content about the intersection of Christianity and public life in the UK. And I love pretty much any article that interviews nuns (if done respectfully), so this was a sure winner.

• I recently rediscovered one of my favourite autumnal tunes, La Chanson de Prévert by Serge Gainsbourg. It’s great for listening to as you amble moodily down the street, autumn leaves blowing in the wind, feeling like you are on the set of a French arthouse film. If you choose this moment to indulge in your quarterly cigarette, tant mieux.

I have had to fight my drooping eyelids to get this sent out when I planned to, and now bed and a book are calling. Have a blessed October, and happy feast of St. Thérèse!